


you're nothing but brave

by orphan_account



Category: Cow Chop (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, plenty of creatures references oops, plenty of random youtuber references oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8402053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James remembered everything he could, just in case his boys forgot.


Aleksandr had proven himself rather poetic, the fucktard. There were some things he said that James would rather forget, but there are some things he knew he would treasure forever.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was alternatively titled: tahlia has fallen into cow chop hell and can't get up
> 
> so!! important things: all these fics are inspired from a prompt set, of which there are 22 separate prompts. so. sattle up boys, we're in for a long'un.  
> the name of this chapter belongs to brand new's i will play my game beneath the spin light  
> no idea how to characterize half these fucks. just kind of making it up as i go along. criticism would be appreciated but [ mirandasings voice ] BACK OFF HATERS  
> there's plenty of random references to other youtubers i watch(ed), and i apologize for that, but hopefully you'll find a shoutout for someone you know and love  
> fr tho cc fandom where is your gta au i Need This  
> oh also everything's based in gta so los santos = los angeles, vice city = miami, liberty city = new york city, new guernsey = new jersey, san fierro = san francisco, las venturas = las vegas, etc etc it's all on the gta wiki shit's lit check it out  
> the creature timeline is kind of fucked so sorry but i can explain it if u need just drop me a line  
> they're still in the creature crew in this one shot, but that won't last long dw fam
> 
>  
> 
> without further ado, the prompt for this chapter is: **things you said with no space between us**

“James?”

The Puerto Rican gave a grunt, barely lifting his head from the pillow to stare at the man in his door way. “What do you want?” the words slurred together, losing the angry edge James was hoping they’d carry.

“Can I sleep here?”

“Yeah.” James muttered, softer now. He reached out in the dark and tugged down the comforter so Aleks could slip into his bed. This wasn’t necessarily a common occurrence, but one that both James and Aleks were familiar with – one of them had a bad dream, and they’d go and find the other.

Doing what they did wasn’t easy, as much as the dickheads at the Fake AH Crew liked to pretend otherwise.

James still remembered the first innocent he’d killed: her name was Veronica, he’d learnt from Spencer. The day they’d met she had been waiting in a bank, hoping to get a loan approved for her and her partner to buy their first house. Veronica had been preparing for the rest of her life, and James had cut that short with one poorly aimed bullet. He dreamed of Veronica, sometimes – dreamed of the life she should’ve lived, dreamed of her partner, dreamed of the children they one day would’ve adopted. Dreamed of Veronica, small and broken, on the floor of a bank, begging and pleading that _someone help me, please!_

James remembered the first innocent Aleks had killed, too. His name was Anthony, and he was on his way to his wedding – Aleks’ reckless driving ensured that he’d never arrive. Anthony died on impact, though his best man had no such luck: Ian was still alive, James knew. Had even seen him once at the airport, allowing a girl with bright purple hair to wheel him through the arrivals lounge. James wondered if it drove him insane, being confined to a wheelchair – wondered whether he’d rather be dead. Honestly, James would rather him dead, would rather Aleks not have to live with the fact that Ian was still alive. It’d just be easier.

He remembered Jordan’s first innocent – a girl named Zoe, beautiful and young. Dan’s first had been an old man, close enough to death that they’d all moved on easily. Sly’s had been an aspiring actor, Jack – he knew most of the Creatures beforehand, which made it all the harder to deal with. Kevin had killed a little girl, Lexi. He’d left soon after.

James didn’t know Dexter’s or Seamus’, though – they’d happened _before_ , and both Dex and Seamus had proven rather tight-lipped about their life before the Creatures. James wanted to pry, sometimes – but knew they were entitled to their privacy.

But James remembered everything he could, just in case his boys forgot.

“Thanks.” Aleks murmured once he was settled, startling James from his thoughts.

James hummed softly for a moment, wondering whether to leave the younger boy to sleep or not. “Was it bad?”

“Yeah. I– uh, it was about Sly.”

Sly was a sensitive subject around the clubhouse, these days. Most of the former Creatures were, but Sly had been their first real casualty – a few of their runners had gotten themselves into trouble, but they were losses moved on from easily. Sly had not been so forgettable. They even moved their headquarters to get away from the memory of the Latino, though James had found the move to be in vain: if Aleks didn’t dream of Ian and Anthony, he dreamed of Eddie. Dreamt of his last moments, how he was choking on blood, still smiling, telling James and Aleks that it was gonna be _okay_ , Jordan was on his way and he was bringing Stefani, Stefani would fix everything like she always did, Stefani was going to save him.

“Oh.” James said, eloquently. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

In the low light of the moon filtering through the curtains, James could see that Aleks looked panicked – and though it hurt, James understood why. Of the two of them, Sly had always been closer to Aleks: they’d met through the local underground music scene in Vice City, and when Sly moved to join the Creatures in Los Santos, Immortal hadn’t been too far behind. Though it hadn’t taken Aleks long to feel at home in the Creatures, he always gravitated towards Eddie. The two of them ended up in an apartment together, out by Vespucci, the only two in the crew to keep living together after leaving the penthouse. They were at ease with each other, comfortable – the perfect pair.

Until, well.

James smiled reassuringly at Aleks, though with his back to the window he wasn’t sure Aleks would even be able to see it. “You don’t have to, Aleksandr. I just thought it might help.”

 “I– I know, I just– don’t know how? Fuck, nevermind– that sounds fucking stupid.”  

“Did I ever tell you about Sp00n?”

Aleks’ panic smoothed out into confusion, and after a long moment, gave a small shake of his head. “Jordan and Dan mentioned him once or twice, but I… just thought he was some guy from another crew.”

“Nah. He was a Creature. Well, I mean– not really, but he should’ve been.” James paused to sit himself up so he could lean against the headboard of the bed and gave a heavy sigh. “He was my best friend, I guess. I don’t know. I knew him from Philly, he convinced my dumb ass to move out to Los Santos with him. He introduced me to Jordan and Gassy, and the rest was history or some shit.” James glanced down at Aleks, who was staring back up at him, eyebrows furrowed. “We went and pulled some heist out in Rockford Hills at that shitty jewellery store. Just to see if we could. Me, Jordan, Max and Nick. Dan was out doing whatever the fuck Dan does and Steven was still over in Liberty City, I think.”

James took a deep breath in an effort to calm his rapidly beating heart, though knew it was no use – he’d told this story before, to Dex. It ended in tears that James would never admit were his. “There was some dickhead doing his patrols, saw Sp00n and damn-near popped a fucking boner. Shot him before the rest of us even realised what was going on and I– fuck. Fuck. Okay. We– we didn’t know what we were doing, okay? It was the first time we did something that wasn’t a fucking gas station or convenience store and none of us had ever fucking been _shot_ , not like that. We freaked out. Grabbed Sp00n and took him back to our shithole apartment, he kept begging us to just leave him be but I– I _couldn’t_ , he was bleeding fucking everywhere and there was _so much_ and I didn’t know what to do, I just had to– I had to save him, so me and Hordan, we… we tried to take the bullet out, stitch it up. You know. Normal shit. But we– we had no fucking idea what we were doing.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything else, James–”

“No, no, fuck. I just… I can’t fucking– just. A minute, give me a fucking minute.” James snapped, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “We weren’t even the _Creatures_ yet, man. Just a bunch of teenagers trying to make a quick buck. It’s not fucking fair – we just wanted to help him but he– he fucking died! If we’d just– left him, like he fucking wanted, he’d be fine. He’d be _here_. Or somewhere.”

“Dude, stop,” Aleks said sharply, reaching out for James’ wrists and tugging his hands away from his eyes. “You can’t do that, okay? Sp00n might’ve still died, or something might’ve happened later. You can’t know that he’d be here. And it– it fucking sucks, what happened, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.  It’s not. You were helping your friend.”

“Fat lot of good that did him.” James muttered, torn between tearing his wrists back from Aleks’ grip or leaving them be – Aleks saved him the decision when he loosened his grip. “But if _I_ can’t blame myself for what happened to Nick, you can’t blame yourself for what happened with Sly.”

“James–” Aleks started, looking pained, but James shook his head and the Russian cut himself short.

“You can’t, Aleksandr. You didn’t kill Sly, you weren’t the fucking asshole who stabbed him, were you? That was some dickhead from Gleam, remember?” Aleks still looked unsure, but James went on regardless, “You gave Eddie what he needed, a hand to hold. You told him he was gonna be all right, he needed that too.”

“But he wasn’t, I lied.”

James peered at Aleks through the corner of his eye, seeing that the younger was sitting up himself, seeming desperate for James to understand what he was saying. “He _died_ , James. If we’d just– met Stef halfway or, or– bought a first aid kit, we could’ve stopped it.”

“No, we couldn’t have. We’re both hopeless with stitches, Aleks.”

“That’s not the fucking point and you know it!” Aleks exploded, pointing a finger at James accusingly. “What if that was you, huh?! Or– what if it was Jordan? Or Joe? What if that _is_ you and it’s only my dumb ass there to fucking help?!” Aleks hesitated, seeming self-conscious for a moment before, “I don’t want to be the reason any of you die, James.”

“You won’t be.”

Aleks stared at James, shaking his head frantically. “You can’t _know_ that, James, you _can’t_!”

James surged forward and gripped Aleks’ shoulders, the sudden movement shocking Aleks into stillness. “Aleksandr, _stop_. Sly wouldn’t want this, you know that. You’re tired and emotional, you just need to get some sleep.”

“But I _can’t_ , dude.” Aleks said quickly, though he seemed calmer now. “I– I’ll go back to my room so you can get some sleep and play something on the Xbox or whatever, but I’m not… I _can’t_.”

Aleks shook off James’ grip and went to stand up, though James reached out and dragged him back onto the bed. “Don’t be an idiot, idiot.” James snorted, poking Aleks in his side until he settled back under the comforter. “I get it, okay? Nobody gets it better than I do. And you’re not gonna wake up tomorrow and not think about Sly any more, you’re gonna think about Sly for the rest of your life, same way you do Anthony, but it gets easier. And I’ll help.”

“… You know about Anthony?”

“Of course I do, Aleks.”

“You’re such a dad friend.”

“Nah, that’s Koots. I’m the weird uncle who buys you dildos for your twentieth.”

“You got me a dildo for my nineteenth!”

“Yeah, but that’s because you’re special, Aleksandr.”

James shuffled back under his comforter and reached over to ruffle Aleks’ hair before laying down, to which Aleks batted his hands away. “Seriously, though– thanks, James.”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Hordan’ll start expecting me to be nice to people.” James teased, grinning.

“You? Nice? Bullshit.” Aleks was grinning back at him, their previous conversation seemingly forgotten until his grin fell and he seemed apprehensive, almost. The man suddenly looked very small, and he leaned in even closer to James and said, voice low enough that James still had to strain to hear it, “Really, I don’t think I’d be able to do any of this without you.”

James snorted. “Of course you could. You’re just lucky you don’t have to, Aleksandr.”

**Author's Note:**

> soz about eddie and sp00n fam luv them a lot needed the Man Pain


End file.
